i'm doing this i'm doing this
mostly i would be making noises now if they could be conveyed via computer. but as they cannot, i am typing and draining and pulling from nonsense. i've had a fairly consistent headache for what seems to be weeks now... months? today has been one of fleeting perfection, the perfect solitude that comes with the company of animals, minimal computer usage, and a room of one's own.
i made note of decisions, conscious decisions- things that might occur automatically have today required intentional effort. move leg, eat some honey and cashews, blink, blink. and this, after days of the opposite- of quick and unhindered decision-making and physical labor- it catches me off guard.
i think about fixing the bio-let. the fan connections, the mapping and circuitry so pleasing. and now to some quiet backseat dream playing loops in the record-box brain. it's all a matter of time.
and these memories are false.
i forgot what i left out.

leg hole

every night ume and i take the same circular walk before bed.
i step out of the yurt with the flashlight on and ume is already up and around the car headed off to the left around the grain bins. i am behind her for most of the trip- assuming she hasn't trailed off after some nocturnal beast.
we walk through webs and crunch stray branches... now we're starting the crisp leaf stomp.
every night at one particular spot my heart jumps when a scared rabbit finally settles his brain into flight mode.
every night just before that spot, i jar myself having stepped into a groundhog hole.
every night i tell myself i'll remember next time,
but every night i'm thinking of something else.

brain scan

i've had a few things on my mind.
they've created some sort of suctioning vacuum.